|
How do I tell my best
friend that I can no longer tolerate him? How do I tell him
that he is such a mess that he scares me because he reminds
me of my own messy days? How do I tell him that he is slowly
going mad? How do I tell him that I cannot wait around while
he fries his brains any longer? How do I tell him that he
gets so tweaked that he makes drama queens look sedated? I
did, I told him earnestly with tough love and then he withdrew
and began to cry, as always. Then he tried to change the subject.
It’s such a damn shame.
He is a beautiful man, exceptionally talented with original
personality, and always at the center of attention. And he
is a mess.
We used to share day upon
days together when we were both messing with “Tina-Girl.”
That is the culprit, crystal—methamphetamine.
We used to entertain each other for hours, or should I say
days. Before and after the clubs, before and after the bathhouses,
we shared everything from records and clothes to substances
and sexual partners. The habit became too much for both of
us. He lost his job. He got evicted and his boyfriend dumped
him so he moved out of town to get a fresh start elsewhere.
I spent around five years in depression, almost ended my life
and then started those little steps up the long stairway to
recovery. It took me only eight years.
The very thought of crank
makes my skin crawl. I think of the days I spent being ravaged
by the drug and I cringe with horror. Inevitably, the subject
matter pops up again. Whenever we talk he complains about
his skin. It’s broken out with blotches and bumps. He
complains about being tired and worn out. He tells me that
his hair is brittle and his teeth are cracking. I try to turn
the conversation back to tough love and I point out that his
symptoms are signs of an escalating habit of crystal-meth,
but then his denial starts in. I still love him so I speak
to him for a few minutes before conjuring up a white lie to
get off the phone. We all love him. We just have to get away
from him after three, four or five minutes because we can’t
take it any longer. Not unless we’re there with him.
That incessant babbling, jumping from place to place. He goes
from lunch to outer space to politics.
Crystal-methamphetamine mimics
the brain’s activity when it is releasing hormones. You
feel fabulous because by taking crank your brain becomes super-active,
making your whole body feel euphoric and ecstatic. And you
feel all this by not doing anything but ingesting the drug.
Unlike dropping off the top of a roller coaster or diving
from a high cliff into the ocean, where you are consciously
aware of what you did to feel that rush.
Instead crank will take you
there without any effort. You feel like you are rewarding
yourself except you haven’t done a damn thing but sniff
or smoke or inject. When the reward ends, or the baggie is
empty, you fall deep into depression. Usually the crash lasts
just long enough for your eyes to pop open again leading you
back to “Tina.” The cycle now begins all over again.
The effects of crashing that
lead to depression are heightened because by using speed your
body is tricked into an unexplainable depression. If you hiked
up a mountain or participated in any other fun and strenuous
activity, you will feel that burnout or crash at the end of
the day. It does not last forever and, more importantly, you
know in your mind and body why you’re tired.
Under Tina’s influence
you wonder why you’re so tired and that feeling vanishes
for hours and hours if you do another bump. One line or hit
of “meth” may keep a user up for 36 hours. It is
this false feeling of accomplishment leading to depression
that can lead some people to commit suicide and other violent
crimes after staying awake for days. Sleep deprivation can
make the brain wig out. The prolonged use of crystal can lead
to paranoia, schizophrenia, repetitive manic behavior, and
eventually homicidal and suicidal thoughts.
Crank is especially devastating
to the HIV impacted community because many of us are already
trying to fight consumption. However, “the crystal chandelier”
will just speed up the consumption process for you. Various
studies have proven that using methamphetamine (just like
other designer drugs) increases the replication of HIV. “Tweaking”
keeps you up way longer than any human being can naturally
stay up, that’s why it was invented and used, to keep
the fighters frisky and awake during a long battle in wartime.
Some people have stayed up for incredible periods of time,
lasting over 10 to 15 days.
Also, while “tweaking”
you do not want to eat, food that is, and you are ready to
have orgasm after orgasm or clean the house all over again
or tear down your motorcycle to the nuts and bolts. Repetitive
and monotonous, but Tina makes it interesting.
Crystal can feel so marvelous
that after having sex with the epitome of Mr. Perfect, you
will be ready for more sex within minutes after orgasm. Tina
is so fierce and sneaky that you will have forgotten all about
Mr. Perfect and you’ll find yourself calling the sex
lines and logging on to your favorite Internet sex site for
another date while Mr. Perfect is still in your shower. Regardless
of what scientific studies show about the higher replication
of HIV while using drugs, if using said drug is making you
have more sex with more partners, you can’t help but
pick up more strains of HIV and STDs. It is well documented
that protection or safer sex measures go out the window in
crystal-meth sex parties (See Dangerous Liaisons in this issue.)
Can crystal be used safely?
Probably not. It is not sold by “the hit,” so there
is always a little bit more left in the bag even if you just
purchase the smallest amount possible. I’m not endorsing
Ecstacy because it also fries your brain and speeds up HIV
replication. However, if you just pop a hit, dance for hours
and go home, you will not feel like a major wreck. I suppose
that is a form of harm reduction. Crystal, like cocaine and
heroin, can be sniffed, smoked or injected until you drop
dead. Will we ever know for sure if it was the opportunistic
infection or the drug use? There are no conclusive long-term
studies yet. However, the information that is available so
far points in one direction and that is that drug use, especially
methamphetamine use and being HIV-positive, is detrimental
to the person using it.
|
