Lost Youth
by Undra C. Fulton
I’m presently
incarcerated and I have AIDS. I have written a letter, “Me
& AIDS,” that might be of interest to Positively
Aware readers.
AIDS has knocked 30 years
or more off my young life. I don’t want anyone to experience
the heartache, pain, confusion and hardship that I have been
going through in dealing with AIDS, drugs, alcohol and prison.
I feel that if I can reach
one reader and persuade them to think twice before they use
drugs or alcohol, or have unprotected sex, then my life won’t
be a total waste.
I have been HIV positive
since 1989 and today I have full-blown AIDS. My immune system
is practically gone, depleted! Everyone does what he believes
is in his best interest. Today I am writing to you out of
love and sincerity.
I am being subjected to an
extreme and stressful environment with officers, offenders,
and some staff members, and others who are sick mentally,
hateful and evil within this unfair, double standard justice
system at this prison.
Through it all, to have learned
that I have the virus that causes AIDS living in my body drove
me to the lowest and deepest level of negative and corrupt
form of living. I became lost and confused in 1989 at the
age of 22.
I told my family and friends
that I had HIV in the hopes of getting moral support. I was
wrong. Everybody turned their backs on me out of fear that
I might give them HIV. Nobody wanted me around. I found myself
homeless. I have eaten out of garbage cans. I have done things
that I am too ashamed to speak of, just to survive on the
streets.
I turned to alcohol and drugs
to help me deal with and maintain what I felt was a sensible
outlook on life. This led me to live a life full of hell,
and full of crime. I seemed not to care about myself anymore.
In the past, the best way to handle my fears, loneliness and
depression was to turn to alcohol to help me forget about
myself and my problems, and that only led me to jail.
Growing up as a young adult
in my teens, I was rebellious towards my mother and father.
I would not listen when they tried to give me good advice
concerning sex, drugs, alcohol and crime. As a result, at
a young age I hung out with the wrong crowd, started smoking
cigarettes and later, went on to drinking and staying out
late at night.
I graduated from drinking
and cigarettes to selling and doing drugs. This made me feel
like I was cool. Today I realize I was a fool, not cool. I
wanted to fit in with the crowd. I was mostly pressured by
my so-called friends to do drugs and drink with them, and
so I did.
I became a sexually promiscuous
person. The alcohol and drugs led me to have unprotected sex
with many women. The phrase, “When you have sex with
someone, you have sex with everyone they ever slept with,”
is true!
AIDS is a powerful, painful
and cunning disease. I have had painful, swollen glands in
my neck, rapid weight loss, constant fatigue, persistent diarrhea,
constant skin problems, sores in my mouth, shortness of breath,
endless night sweats, recurring infections, and mental anguish.
These are just some of the symptoms I deal with on a daily
basis. It gets so bad that I wish I was dead. The medication
is not working the way it should, so I prepare for the worse.
I am speaking out to the
young adults, as well as to my peers, only to encourage them
not to live as I once did. The sex, drugs, alcohol and rebelliousness
is certainly not worth it. Please hear me out and take heed
to what I’m saying, please.
By Undra C. Fulton, #983698,
Pendleton Correctional Facility, P.O. Box 30, Pendleton, Indiana
46064, alliswel@netnitco.net
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