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My name is Beverly. I am
co-infected (HIV/hepatitis C), bisexual, African American,
52 years young and last of all, I’m in prison until 2009.
My message is for every woman who is incarcerated and having
a tough time living with the enemy (HIV/AIDS). When anyone
is told they have any type of life-threatening illness, I
believe a person becomes fearful of what to expect next. When
you learn you are HIV/AIDS positive, all sorts of feelings
surface and many of us prepare to die soon.
Learning about my positive
status in 1994 (during a prior prison term) sent me reeling
into depression, anger, guilt, shame and fear, just to name
a few of the feelings I experienced. I was 45 years old at
the time and my very first thought was I would die within
a year or two. A couple of months passed by while I threw
my own pity party, but then I decided to say my status out
loud to every one who would listen.
I discovered a hidden quality
within myself that suddenly surfaced to assist me in saving
myself from self-destruction. This quality, courage, saved
me in the form of self-disclosure. Not living in secret forced
me to accept personal responsibility for my health, along
with studying about my enemy and choosing who I care to include
in my life today, as well as who I choose to share intimate
moments with.
There may be a woman who
reads this and thinks, “No way will I ever reveal my status.”
Well, please know countless women have passed away trying
to live with these diseases secretly, not to mention the loneliness
that tags along with being secretive. Courage to speak out
can change how you think and feel about you!
Many of us women, prior to
learning our positive status, had failed relationships, possibly
due to addictions and abusive mates. Then you test positive
and feel you will never have what means so much, a meaningful,
healthy intimate relationship.
Being positive and having
courage, and learning through trial and error, allow me to
know that Beverly is deserving of intimacy and love in a healthy,
meaningful relationship. I have choices today. Plus my courage
allows me to never give up my desire for loving and being
loved unconditionally. Do not allow anyone to make you feel
bad about your serostatus. Do not allow yourself to accept
verbal and physical abuse because you think your abuser is
the only person in the world who will accept you now that
you have HIV.
Check within yourself and
apply the courage you find hidden inside you. Use it to the
fullest, my sisters. There is love out there for you, and
living with HIV/HCV is possible if you have the courage to
go for it.
This is what courage demands:
• Do not give up on
yourself.
• Do not give up on
your hope for being loved.
• Do not allow anyone
to make you feel bad for being positive.
• Do not accept verbal
or physical abuse because the abuser accepts your serostatus.
Beverly Henry is a member
of the HIV in Prison Committee, an activist group that fights
for adequate medical care and protests against abuses in Chowchilla.
For correspondence, contact
Beverly Henry W-72830, Peer Educator/Advocate, C.C.W.F. 510-23-02L,
P.O. Box 1508, Chowchilla, CA 93610-1508.
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