Livin' With It:
We’ve Outlived AIDS!
by Tom Setto
It wasn’t what I expected
to hear. I went to the doctor complaining about the pain and
stiffness in my knees and ankles. I was prepared to hear that
it was another side effect of my meds, a progression of my
neuropathy or worse yet joint deterioration.
“Sure it’s a side effect…a
side effect of getting old,” he said.“Accept it, you’re getting
older.”
I wasn’t ready for this.
I had accepted the possibility of death. I was mentally prepared
for the fight to live. But getting old, that was the last
thing I expected.
Not me, I can’t possibly
get old. In my teens I never thought I’d make it past 30.
When I was diagnosed I accepted the fact that two or three
years more was all I’d have. Thirteen years later I realize
now that I am getting old.
I was sitting with my friends
at the Montrose last Saturday having breakfast and trying
to think of a way to bring this up. I started to notice something.
Ken had to take his glasses
off to read the menu. “Ken, aren’t glasses supposed to be
used to help you see better?” I asked.
“Oh yeah, they are.
But I’m having trouble seeing smaller print in certain lighting.
I just had my eyes examined and asked about it. The doctor
told me that as most men get older, usually around 40 or so,
they start having trouble seeing small print. It’s weird.
My prescription hasn’t changed, but I may have to get bifocals.
I guess I’m just getting old.”
“You too?” Gary jumped
in. “I used to love to sit on the floor with my coffee on
Sunday mornings and spread out the newspaper sections.”
“You’re not doing your
Sunday morning ritual anymore? I remember seeing you with
your piles, ‘must read’, ‘read’, ‘try to read’, and ‘if I
have time’. But your first priority is always checking out
the sales and clipping those coupons,” I said.
“You all know that
I do love a bargain. Don’t get me wrong, I still do it. I
just make sure I have everything I need: scissors, coffee,
something to munch on, the phone. Getting down there is no
problem. Getting up is now a three-step process. First I have
to get on my hands and knees, then I have to put my hands
on the sofa to get my feet under me. Then I can stand up.”
“You guys have a few
years on me but my roommate just accused me of making ‘old
man’ sounds when I stand up from sitting at my dining room
table,” adds Miguel.
“Old man sounds?” we
all asked.
“Yeah, it’s kind of
a combination of a grunt and a moan, like this.” He demonstrated
as he excused himself to use the restroom.
“And have you noticed
how noisy it’s getting at this table?” Jerome asks.
“That’s because you
all like to talk so much,” I said with a smile.
“That’s a given. But
really, and not from me of course since I am the youngest,
a mere child compared to the rest of you, but you ‘old men’
at this table are starting to make a lot more noise when you
chew your food. When I first started having breakfast with
you guys everyone had good table manners. Now there are crumbs
and spills everywhere and all that smacking and slurping is
deafening.”
“Huh?” we all answer
jokingly.
“Don’t joke, and y’all
are getting hard of hearing,” Jerome answers. “Some of you
are starting to talk a lot louder too.”
“And get this,” Joey
says. “I wasn’t going to say anything about this. A couple
days ago I stopped for a cocktail and as I left the bar these
two guys who looked to be barely 21 were coming in. I heard
one of them say ‘Don’t leave so soon, Daddy’.”
“Mmmm, Daddy,” Jerome
laughs.
“Can you believe they
had the nerve to call me Daddy?”
“Well, think about
it,” I said, “you are actually old enough to be their father
and you are starting to look the part.”
“I just never thought
of myself as a Daddy-type.”
“I am losing my hair
where I want it and growing it where I don’t,” Joey adds while
lifting his cap.
“Of course we all are
losing things more often now,” Ken says. “I’m getting used
to forgetting where my keys or the remote are and having to
call my cell phone to find where I put it down last. I just
laugh them off as ‘senior moments’.”
“I admit, though,”
Jerome says, “the other day I was looking in the mirror and
noticed some lines on my face that weren’t there before.”
He runs his fingers from his cheekbones to the corners of
his mouth. “I immediately started worrying about facial wasting
but I remembered that my father and my grandfather both have
lines in the same place. So I guess it’s happening to me too.”
“This has been a great
help for me, guys,” I said. “My doctor just gave me the bad
news that some of my aches and pains are a product of getting
old. I haven’t thought about it in those terms before. We
kid each other about our ages but we don’t think too much
about aging.”
“We concentrate so
much on staying alive that we forget that we are alive,” Ken
said. “I guess getting old is one side effect of the meds
that we all can live with.”
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