Editor's Note: Transitions
Flashback to 1986...I
was 27 years old, and in the eighth year of a relationship
with the first love of my life. Antonio and I had it all—two
wonderful dogs, Max and Tina, great jobs, a beautiful home,
and our health. I was in total control, or so I thought. In
April, Antonio took ill. I remember the exact afternoon, in
the emergency ward at the hospital, when the doctor came out
from examining Tony. He told me that Tony had AIDS. He said
that Tony was going to die, and so would I. Following bouts
of PCP, and after developing Kaposi’s sarcoma and dementia,
Antonio died on October 8, 1986, at 11:23 am. AIDS. There
was no mono, dual or triple combination therapy. No poverty
or malnutrition. No substance use, illegal drugs or “hedonisticî
lifestyle. No alternative treatments. No genocide conspiracy.
None of that. Straight up AIDS. And there I was, all alone,
confused and scared. What did I know? Zero. Zip. Nada.
The sense of helplessness
that I and others like me experienced during the 1980s eventually
gave way to a generation of AIDS activists. They seized the
streets in places like San Francisco, New York City, Chicago
and Philadelphia, demanding treatment for people with AIDS
and a cure for HIV. Remember the demands we made on the FDA
and pharmaceutical companies for fast track approval for drugs?
I do. Did anyone know what the long term side effects of these
drugs would be? No. But anything was better than nothing...Right?
Well, here we are in the
year 2000 in the world of HAART, the land of alternative therapies
and on the horizon “Structured Therapy Interruptions.î In
the nearly five years that I’ve been a member TPAN I’ve seen
friends who were near death respond to HAART therapy in nothing
short of a miracle. There are individuals who choose holistic
approaches to care. Some of them are also living healthy and
productive lives. But then there are those—the often lost
faces of AIDS—who aren’t able to tolerate the drugs and don’t
respond to alternative options.
I’ve watched the bodies of
friends slowly shut down, for any number of reasons. The silver
bullet that we once thought HAART was a few short years ago
looks a bit tarnished today. The shine may have worn off somewhat,
but that’s no excuse to give up the struggle or worst yet,
turn on one another as we seek new options.
This struggle against HIV/AIDS,
like the civil rights, gay and women’s movements, must continue
as a collaborative effort. Many individuals who have been
on the frontlines for years are frustrated and angry. Others
joining the struggle more recently are suspicious and confrontational.
Some still have their heads buried in the sand.
We all want answers. Where’s
a cure? What can be done to reduce toxicity? Why are ads for
anti-HIV meds becoming more and more sexy? We all want a solution.
Don’t we?
This issue marks the 10th
year of publication for Positively Aware. All of us
at TPAN and Positively Aware, like everyone committed
to the HIV/AIDS struggle, are in a transitional moment. We
find ourselves asking new questions, seeking new strategies
and alliances, and sadly still saying goodbye to dear friends,
family members and partners. We continue to change with each
passing day in order to better help ourselves and our readers
understand this disease, to assist people living with HIV/AIDS
make informed decisions on their treatment options, and cope
with very personal feelings of lost. Everyone living with
HIV/AIDS and living in the age of AIDS must change as the
normal course of life. If we refuse to accept change then
we and this movement will die.
This is also the first issue
of Positively Aware that has my signature on it as
editor. I want to take a moment to thank Dennis Hartke, Enid
Vázquez, Jeff Berry, the fabulous staff, volunteers and members
of TPAN, and my MOCHA 2000 brothers (ya’ all know who you
are) for their continued support and encouragement.
Too often in this fight we
tend to dwell on what isn’t happening. In our work we rush
from client to meetings, from conferences through articles,
to protests and clinical trials. We often forget to acknowledge
achievements. We tend to not take the time to celebrate life
and the lives of those who paved the way, those who inspire
and inspired us.
This 10th anniversary issue
of Positively Aware takes a moment to acknowledge the
transitions of our lives as people living with HIV/AIDS and
living in the age of AIDS. Before we move forward we want
to stop and reflect upon where we’ve come from, what we’ve
been through, where we are at, where we hope to be in the
future, and to remember a few individuals who have touched
our lives.
On those few Saturday afternoons
when I’m home and alone—listening to some classic Phyllis
Hyman or Angela Bofill, I can feel Antonio’s presence around
me. There are days when my dog Carlisle reacts in a certain
way, and I can’t help but think that Max (1992) or Tina (2000)
are there in the room. Some days I can still remember that
day in 1986, when Antonio was standing at the door of our
house, smiling and holding Max and Tina in his arms. Transitions.
Yours in struggle,
Charles E. Clifton
Editor
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