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I’m tired from “tops”
who believe they can’t contract HIV. I’m tired from “bottoms”
who continue to roll the dice. I’m tired from irresponsible
HIV-positive barebackers. I’m tired from irresponsible HIV-negative
barebackers. I’m tired of the belief that barebackers are
always gay men. I’m tired, because it ain’t true. I’m tired
of condoms. I’m tired for everyone waiting for the results
to come back from an HIV test. I’m tired.
I’m tired for intravenous
drug users who share contaminated needles. I’m tired for men
who refuse to use a condom. I’m tired for the women and men
forced to have sex with men who refuse to use a condom. I’m
tired for sex workers who can’t use a condom. I’m tired for
young people who don’t have sex education. I’m tired of prevention
that doesn’t seem to work. I’m tired.
I’m tired from individuals
who promote conspiracy rather than care. I’m tired from those
who don’t believe in re-infection. I’m tired from medications
that make people sick rather than well. I’m tired from people
who could, but don’t adhere. I’m tired for everyone in America,
Africa, Asia and Eastern Europe who would adhere, but can’t.
I’m tired from a system that profits from homelessness, hunger
and mental illnesses. I’m tired from illiteracy. I’m tired.
I’m tired from some that
believe women and children, the incarcerated and drug users
don’t deserve our attention. I’m tired because some believe
that gay men don’t deserve our attention. I’m tired from blacks
that blame whites. I’m tired from whites that blame blacks.
I’m tired from men who blame women. I’m tired from women who
blame men. I’m tired from MSMs, SAMs, “trade” and “on the
downlow.” I’m tired of categories. I’m tired.
I’m tired of incompetent
negatives. I’m tired of unqualified positives. I’m tired of
bureaucracy. I’m tired of cynics. I’m tired of the hypocrites.
I’m tired of the dishonesty. I’m tired because I don’t know
what to do. I’m tired of being stressed, depressed, and overwhelmed.
I’m tired because I don’t have time to do more. I’m tired
because I don’t feel like doing more. I’m tired.
I’m tired from Slavery. I’m
tired from Emancipation. I’m tired from Jim Crow. I’m tired
from Civil Rights, Women’s Rights, Gay/Lesbian Rights and
now Healthcare Rights. I’m tired from prejudice and hatred.
I’m tired from ignorance. I’m tired that mistakes from the
past continue to be repeated. I’m tired.
I’m tired from John F. Kennedy,
Martin Luther King, Jr., Robert Kennedy and my father. I’m
tired from the events of September 11, 2001. I’m tired for
this nation. I’m tired for this world. I’m tired for everyone
who has ever lost someone to a senseless act of violence.
I’m tired for everyone who will lose a loved one in the coming
days, weeks, and months.
I’m tired of grieving. I’m
tired of remembering. I’m tired of wondering. I’m tired that
I still grieve the death of Antonio, who died 15 years ago
on October 8th. I’m tired of marking the anniversary of his
death. I’m tired of wondering of what might have been. I’m
tired of hoping. I’m tired of coping. I’m tired of dates that
always remind me of how tired I am. I’m tired of wondering
what’s next, who’s next. I’m tired of this road.
I’m just tired.
Charles E. Clifton
Editor
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