Give us morality or give
us death
by Jim Pickett
HIV is being spread
by HIV positive people.
Admittedly, this is no news
flash, but it seems as though we forget this very basic fact
regarding this very infectious disease. It takes two to have
sex, it takes one to pass along the lovely and enchanting
virus that causes AIDS. Of course, before you start to screeching,
it takes two to be responsible and safe during sexual activity,
it takes two to make smart decisions, or dumb ones.
But it only takes one to
infect. It only takes one.
We all need to take ownership
of safe sex. It is, or should be, of paramount concern to
all of us regardless of serostatus. But, still, the fact remains,
that two negatives cannot infect the other. A positive must
be in the equation.
Sadly, HIV prevention work
has sorely overlooked the targeting of positives, for a couple
of reasons. One being that, well, once you’re positive, there
ain’t no more prevention happening for you, my dear, and two,
the whole issue of stigmatization, demonization, and blaming
that might and probably will happen. Well, screw stigma! Target
me! Target me and every other positive person on earthit’s
the only way we’ll contain this disease, if not end it. I’m
tough, I can take it. And ya know, it’s not about blame, it’s
about practicality, it’s about facts, however cold and hard
they may be. Remember, there is no cure. Remember, the treatments
are often worse than the disease itself. Remember, it takes
a positive person to infectit will take a positive person,
it will take positive people, to stop infecting. Stop neglecting
us.
The Centers for Disease Control
and Prevention estimate that close to 900,000 people in the
U.S. are HIV positive, and that approximately one-third of
that number, 300,000 or so, do not know their status. Mildly
put, that’s highly problematic. Everybody needs to get their
ass in for testingfor their own health and for the health
of others. Studies are proving that people who know their
status have more responsible, more safe sex. That means less
infections.
What really disturbs me,
however, are the people who do know they’re positive and continue
to have unsafe sex. Yes, it takes two. But, again, it takes
only one to infect. We justify our behavior, saying, Well,
he didn’t want to use a condom, he must be poz too. We say,
Well, if he’s so stupid, if he’s so foolish, let him get
it, and let me get mine. We say, Well, things were moving
too fast, and before we knew it I am talking about gay men,
for that is what I am and that is what I know, but I suspect
these rationalizations and excuses cut across all sexual boundaries.
Where is our compassion,
our human compassion for another living being? We would not
knowingly run over someone with our car, why would we knowingly
participate in sex that would put another person, another
living being, at risk for a harrowing, deadly (and totally
preventable) disease? There are so many reasons. We need to
examine them, closely, and we need to start a dialogue, many
dialogues, and keep them going ad nauseum.
This brings me to those two
nasty words so many of us are afraid of, and indeed, loathemorals
and ethics. We need to reclaim them from the right-wing horror
shows that have bastardized them and made them these big,
bad bugaboos. Morals and ethics need not be about hate and
judgment, for they are simply about the distinction between
right and wrong, about objectively defined principles regarding
human conductabout doing the right thing, about treating
another as you would have them treat you, about being nice
to each other in coffee shops, and in the bushes.
Hey, being moral doesn’t
mean being a Sex Nazi or a Good-Time Gestapo. I can have loads
of anonymous sex in bathhouses and bushes and truck stops,
tons of sweaty, hot, delightful, animal, grunting, heaving,
lusty sex, with complete and total strangers, and do so morally
and ethically. Yes, I can. How? By protecting the warm
body I am enjoying. By protecting the warm body that is mine.
I do that by insisting on safer sex. If the person does not
want to go along, sorry, no hot sex in the city tonight. But
ya know what? It’s the right thing to do, the moral, ethical
thing to do. What is immoral is the callous disrespect of
another.
A friend, a gay PWA (person
with AIDS) who has worked in prevention for many years in
California, says, Yeah, but fact is that changing community
norms happens slowly, over time. Imagine how difficult it
would be to reclaim something as tainted as the concepts of
¬moral’ or ¬ethical.’ As soon as someone hears it, their first
thought is ¬judgment’ and then they shut down.
Yeah, butsounds like
a battle I am willing to fight.
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